I was bullied for the majority of the time I spent in school, from age 6 to age 21. Sometimes from teachers, sometimes from students. I went to many different schools, but the schools were fairly similar, as were the students attending them. They all had the same mentality, same weaknesses and same opinions.
When I was 14-15, I had had enough. I decided to stand up to the bullies and reported them. We have an anti-bullying organisation here in Sweden called Friends. But the school system was completely corrupt, from top to bottom. The representatives of the anti-bullying organisation were decided by popular vote. So the most capable manipulators were chosen as our representatives. The two of them were also the worst bullies in my grade. Possibly in the whole school. But they were also the most popular and that position allowed them to hide in plain sight. They could bully more people while being seen as angels by the teachers and the parents.
My friends encouraged me to stand up to them, for my own sake and theirs as we were all being bullied. At the time I didn’t question why they encouraged me to be the one to do it. I simply gathered my courage and I did it.
It did not go well.
Remember I mentioned that the school system was corrupt? The bullies were well-trained manipulators. One of the teachers was engaged to be married, but still had a crush on one of the bullies, and would do anything she said just to be liked by her. The other teacher in charge was like a scared bunny who would do anything to avoid being reprimanded by her superior. She would gladly ignore bullying, students suffering from mental health issues, students needing extra help with their studies, students that had a bad time at home etc. She’d ignore everyone wholeheartedly so that she could be painted as a good teacher who had no “problem students”.
The school ended up telling me to apologise to the bullies for reporting their bullying. Apologise for accusing them of something so ridiculous since it was obvious, by their position in the anti-bullying organisation, that they could be capable of no such thing. My friends encouraged me to keep going, and said they were so glad I stood up for all of us. But when it came right down to it, they pretended to be clueless and did not have my back.
People whom I’d barely spoken to for years came up to me and told me to stop lying. Said no one had bullied me and that I was just trying to get attention. Trying to climb the social ladder by painting myself as a victim. I wanted nothing of the sort. Being watched and talked about by everyone, people who had never even seen me before… it was horrible. I couldn’t escape their whispers, their judgement or their stares.
When they realised I wouldn’t take back what I’d reported, one of the bullies decided to blame everything on the other and manipulated people into beliveving their sob story. Their eyes and heart remained cold as they told them their long tale. The other person… I am actually not sure what happened to them. It was like the students and teachers all agreed to pin it on that person and never mention them again. Even the victims of their bullying eventually invited the fake one back into their friend group and agreed as a group to blame the other one.
The whispering, the stares, the bullying online and in person, the hate from the teachers, the pressure from the principal… It got so bad that school wasn’t safe for me anymore and I arranged my own transfer to another school. The teachers who thought I was a complete bother for shedding light on their failures rejoiced over the news of my departure. My “friends”? They stopped talking to me. They had already picked sides and they were content to remain sheep. I was not. It wasn’t long after I left that a transfer student joined the class. After that, it was like I had never been there. People I’d known for years and years, people I’d spent time with daily, they collectively threw me under the bus and we never spoke again.
Now, you might think that I regret this, but I don’t. I learned a lot of painful but necessary lessons from this experience. I learned my own strength. I also learned not to trust easily. I realised that I am not a follower and will never become one. And I understood that speaking the truth and standing up for what’s right is important and valuable, even if no one understands. Even if no one stands with you. I would rather speak the truth, stand up for what’s right and stand alone than lose my integrity simply to have a false sense of community.
I stood up for myself, for my friends. I spoke the truth. I was betrayed, but it matters not. I regret nothing.
Have you ever needed to stand up to a bully?
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