Home – How To End The Endless Cycle of Decluttering

The content below was originally paywalled.

We are made to believe that we must create wealth, but more importantly, we must accumulate more things. That we must always have more. And that we must always have what is advertised. The only way for us to be happy, is if we have a certain item, whatever it may be.

The shackles of society

Society connects our emotional state, our goals in life and even being accepted and fitting in… it connects all of that to what possessions you have, how you live, and what kind of housing situation you have. How you appear to be in the eyes of other people. Unless we understand that that is the message we are given from every direction unless we understand that that is why we keep accumulating things, why we keep acquiring more.

Changing our mindset

Even if we declutter things, we never change our mindset and the decluttering will never end. The decluttering becomes a very temporary fix. It’s like organising a mess.

If you keep everything… Even if there are things that you really should not keep, things you do not want to keep… If you hang onto everything and only organise the mess, it will still be an organised mess. Nothing has been solved. It’s like painting over mould.

If you declutter today and go out and buy new things tomorrow, the day after that you’re going to have to declutter again. The decluttering will never end.

Extreme radical change

It is the same as our what happens with crash diets and detoxes. They can be great if you decide to make lasting changes to your habits, your emotions, your lifestyle… You must acknowledge what you did for things to get as bad as they got. If you acknowledge that and decide to change the behaviour that got you there, then crash diets and detoxes can be an intensive way to start a new way of life.

Most of the time, people use crash diets and detoxes in a completely different way. They change their behaviour dramatically for a short period of time, usually for an event or a certain season. Often it is not even for themselves. It’s for others. To change and control how others see them. How others will think of them. How they may look in photos.

Our motivation

Our motivation is usually fuelled by one of two things. Pleasing others or altering their appearance to check an invisible box. To fulfil an aesthetic requirement that they have been taught that they need to fulfil. They have learned that they must be a certain way, and act a certain way. And they do it subconsciously. They think only about what they will look like in a certain outfit or setting. And how people will react. That is where they put all their focus. And in cases like that, there will be nothing lasting about any of the changes that they make to that end.

As soon as the moment they have prepared for has passed, they will revert to their usual selves. And many never even get there. Because going from zero to a hundred, depriving themselves like that, is not an easy thing. And it certainly isn’t for everyone. Most people won’t make it til the end.

The post-binge of deprivation

Whether they made it all the way or not, a crash diet or detox usually ends with a binge of some sort. You deprive yourself up to a point where you just give up. And then your cravings are so great that you end up consuming even more than before. So in the end it won’t bring you anything positive. It’s just a negative and strenuous process. The same principle ideas can be applied to decluttering.

• Where did the clutter first come from?

• What got you to that point?

• How is your current relationship with money and possessions?

The emotional aspect

Emotional eating and emotional spending are very similar in many ways. Both are common issues in modern society. We do what we can to avoid feeling the void inside. We pursue the frantic sensations, trying to make a deeply disturbed society and dying planet somehow feel okay. And sometimes the only way we can move ahead is to take things in, and acknowledge the situation, and the circumstances at hand. Along with all of the surrounding thoughts and emotions that we carry around. And then we just let it all go.

Finding peace within

No person can be everything for another person. So it stands to reason that no material possession could ever be so great that it satisfies our emotional needs. Not all of them or any of them. Nothing and no one can be everything. We all have a purpose. Every thing has a purpose, even if the top scientists and tech people and everyone went together to create a cheap machine that would attempt to be everything, they would not ever succeed. 

Because nothing can be all we need. We need to stop looking for our needs to be fulfilled by others, or by possessions. What we need is not found there. It can only be found within. We can keep decluttering. But without change and psychology, thinking of what got us to that point, it will never end. An organised mess is still a mess.

Learn to let go

If you are holding onto things that you ought to have let go of, no organising can ever fix that. Decluttering, organising, cleaning, or any habitual changes are difficult at first. Your habits are always tied to your emotions and your emotional state. They are often tied to appearances as well. Why do we then hang on to material things?

Guilt. The ‘ what if’?  Justification, fear, emotional attachment, or in rare cases, because we love the item and or use it daily. 

Guilt 

Guilt over what we spent on it. Over the money we lost, over losing more money or over what we have that others may not have. We may feel guilty about our good fortune. Feeling like we are wasteful or ungrateful should we let something go. That we’re not sustainable enough if we let go. We may also worry we are not being frugal enough. 

What if?

What if I need it someday?  What if someone else around us needs it? Or what if we come to miss it? We are paralysed by the fear of what it would be like living without it. What if we make a mistake? What will others think? Being judged by others is a very common fear. The most common, even. Am I being wasteful? Am I losing money by doing this?

Emotional attachment

Relying on a possession to fulfil an emotional need. To maintain a physical or emotional state. Or to protect you from some experience, emotion or event. It’s very common to do this, but it is not going to end well. Because you’re relying on something that could easily be lost. Without it, you would be lost. You need to find a way to find the answers you need within. Not by holding on to a material possession.

Another form of emotional attachment is when you attach a memory to the item. You will then feel that by letting go of that possession, you are letting go of the memory. That you will forget or that you are not honouring the memory if you do let go. If you’re afraid you’ll forget certain details, you can take a photograph of the possession. The memories of how we felt in that moment, what we experienced, will never be lost. Even if we forget. And no possession could ever change that fact.

Clinging to a possession only out of fear of losing something, can soil that memory. You could accumulate so much stress and anxiety over having this possession that you may not have room for it. You may not want it, but you feel unable to let go of it. It can go south very quickly. You can accumulate so much stress around the item that it turns the memory itself into something negative. Because now when you think of the memory, you think of the thing that is causing you so much trouble.

Decluttering vs organising vs Konmari

The difference between just decluttering and organising a mess or using a method like konmari is that konmari addresses the emotional state. It addresses the cause behind the mess and the core of the whole situation.

So if you only organise and declutter and you keep accumulating things, you cling to your habits and fuel your mental health issues. You keep triggering your mental health by keeping more and acquiring more things… If you do all that and never change your habits or your mindsets, you will never accomplish what you want. Or become the person you want to be. If you want things to be different, you have to be willing to change.

• What do I want?

• How do I want to feel?

• What would that situation look like?

• What are things like today?

• Why do I behave this way?

• Why do I feel this way and what is it that I feel?

• How did I get to this point?

• What caused this current state?

When you know all of that, you can start working on your actions and your habits.

Be consistent

Do not replace the clutter you clear with new things. Only then will you be able to create long-lasting habits and maintain a much stronger emotional state. You will improve your mental health. You will reduce your stress and anxiety. And you will stop being so dependent on things outside of yourself to fix what feels wrong inside of yourself.

If you can find the answer within… If you can find what you need within and can avoid having to look for that in another person – which is often how toxic relationships are built – or in a thing – which is often how hoarding begins – then you are going to be so deeply rooted. Nothing and no one can ever unroot you. No one will be able to affect you negatively.

You will have a strong core and you won’t let the words of others carry so much meaning that they can hurt you. You will know yourself well enough. And most importantly, you will know how to cover your own needs.