Inner work – How To Meet Your Shadow And Embrace It

Mirror, mirror on the wall, what is hiding in the shadows behind us all? Inner work is essential. but never easy. Embracing your shadow self is the start of a deeper level of self-love and self-care.

Our greatest obstacle is also our greatest opportunity to grow. And that is our shadow. I am not talking about the shade our bodies create when we are in the light, but our spiritual shadow.

Now, you may be thinking “I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure I don’t have one.”. But you do. We all do. And there is a very simple way to your shadow and see it for what it is.

First I want you to fix yourself something warm to drink and huddle up where you are most comfortable. You will need a notepad and a pen.

1. I want you to make a list of the things that irritate you or bother you when it comes to other people. Perhaps something they wear, the volume of their voices, actions, character traits – there are no wrong answers.

2. Take a deep breath. Well done. You’ve made it two the second step. I want you to look at this list of yours and choose the five things that bother you the most.

3. Do you have your shortened list in front of you? Good. Now I want you to read the list a few times. Either quietly to yourself or out loud. What do these things make you feel? Can you think of why they make you feel a certain way? You see, the things that bother us the most, are often one of two things. One, the things we do not care for in ourselves. Two, the things we wish we had the courage to do more of.

I’ll give you an example. Person A cannot stand when she sees groups of teenagers in public places, sitting and laughing and being carefree. She didn’t know why it upset her so at first. But then she realised the root of it. She was bullied as a child and never had many friends, if any at all. Seeing the groups of teenagers not only reminded her of her bullies, but also of the sense of community and belonging that she never got to experience. Her loneliness, want and hurt were part of her shadow.

Here’s another example. Person B has a colleague who’s son likes to wear heels with his suit to work. Person B is really aggravated and seemingly disgusted over this. And even more so over the fact that his colleague isn’t against it. It took time, but after sitting quietly with his thoughts, and talking them through with others, he realised his aversion had nothing to do with his colleague’s son, and everything to do with himself.

In that boy, he saw his younger self. He saw his own wants and dreams, how he had been and how he would have remained, if not for his own father. His own father had done his best to verbally abuse the creativity and passion for fashion straight out of him. And it had only made person B sad, lonely and bitter. He’d gone head first in the other direction and wore whatever was the easiest, and never any colours or anything that fit him well.

His shadow was the fact that he was not living true to himself, and a reminder that his mind was still clouded by other people’s opinions and bigotry. As he embraced his shadow self, little by little, it was replaced with light. Later he went with his colleague and son to pick out some new clothes and shoes that he actually wanted to wear. And he wore them well, for he let the darkness that was clouding his soul go.

The darkness inside

We all have things we carry with us. Some of it from our shadows, and some from our childhoods and other experiences. Scars don’t go away simply because we get older. Old wounds can become like carvings on a piece of wood, and unless one makes an effort to fill them in or sand them down, they will remain there.

We must embrace ourselves, and that means we must embrace all that we are. The good and the bad. The darkness and the light.

How do we move forward? How do we grow from this?

We continue on our path and do our best to live our lives in the light, true to our own souls. And when something is bothering us, angering us or stressing us out, it is most helpful to quiet down and sit with those emotions and thoughts for a bit. What made us feel such a way? Where did all those feelings come from and why are we so upset? Are we really upset over the situation or person we think have upset us, or is the cause something deeper still?

It is not an easy thing to address. But nothing worth while comes easy. Asking ourselves those questions and continuing to get to know ourselves and embracing all that we learn about ourselves… It is all so very important. For ourselves and for our loved ones. No one wants to be the bitter, sad and angry individual who is upset and tired all the time, and no one wants to be around them either. We need to do what we can to raise our vibration, maintain it and free ourselves from whatever it is that is weighing us down.

The act of sitting with ourselves and our thoughts, observing them without judgement and learning to understand them, is how we truly get to know ourselves.

Good luck!