How To Navigate The Third Decade Of Your Life

You can never be behind in life. We are only competing with ourselves. The third decade is only about evolving beyond what you achieved thus far.

On August 5th I entered the third decade of my life, or level 30, as I like to call it.

If someone had asked me if I thought I’d make it to thirty when I was a teenager or even when I was in my early twenties, I would not have been able to say yes. There were so many moments when reaching the age of thirty just didn’t seem likely. But I fought hard and I made it through 100% of my worst days, and here I am. Thirty and thriving. And I have a lot more to do before I’m done.

I know that for many people, the 30th birthday has become a source of anxiety and great distress. Mainly because we continue to be told what we should look like, how we should feel and what we should have accomplished by this age.

Expectations

We’re told we should be married, should be out of debt, should have completed our education and created the career of our dreams, that we should be homeowners – and other nonsense like that. But what we should do is give ourselves a break.

Neither progress nor life is linear, and we are all on our individual journeys. Some may have accomplished one or more of those things at this age. Some may have accomplished them in their twenties. And then some won’t experience them for another five to ten years, or at all. And it is all okay.

Life isn’t a competition. As much as society likes to tell us otherwise, life isn’t a race either. As long as we keep moving forward, keep improving and keep becoming better versions of ourselves, we are all winning at life. No matter what age we’re at.

I am not married, I am not a homeowner and I do not have any children of my own. And there is nothing wrong with that. I plan on continuing to educate myself and tweak my career path throughout my life, so I haven’t reached an ‘end goal’ in that department either. Health can always be improved and the same goes for finances. Even so, for me personally, I found turning 30 to be a blessing and a huge personal accomplishment, and no perceived measure of success could tell me otherwise.

It is not possible to be behind in life

After much contemplation, I have found this to be true. However, before I realised this, I too spent a great deal of time analysing where I was at, and what I had accomplished, and tried to compare notes with my peers. I looked at people I admired, great writers and creators, to see what they had accomplished at this age. I found that while I have never followed society’s standard measure of success or the milestones that society has set up for us, I am proud of where I am in life and what I have accomplished thus far.

My life has never been conventional or that of a follower, but as I look back on my twenties, I can see that I have been steadily moving forward and made a lot of progress on my path. I only set out to compete with myself, and I like what that competition has brought me.

My birthday

I treated my birthday like an ending and a beginning all rolled into one. As such, I thought it only suitable to meditate and journal a lot in the weeks and days leading up to it. I made a lot of lists and I went through my notes, goals and memories from my twenties. What I’d accomplished, how I’ve grown and how my life has changed over the years.

I feel very excited about my thirties and by the time my birthday came along, I was more than ready to say goodbye to my twenties. Going through my twenties was a wild ride that was far more difficult than smooth. I went through spiritual awakenings, multiple moves, health issues and breakthroughs and I waded through a lot of friendships. Doors closed, windows opened. Relationships began and ended.

Let them go

What my twenties taught me more than anything was that not everybody is meant to be part of your life. Some people are only meant to be there in the beginning. Some are only meant to be there for a season. And some will become a permanent part of your life. But we must all learn to recognise who’s who. There are those who end up marrying the people meant to only stay in their life for a season. And those who end up leaving the person meant to stay with them for life. When someone leaves, let them. If it doesn’t flow, let go.

A relationship that is real and aligns with who you are and your life’s purpose will feel right to you. You will know. And if you have doubts, if you are ignoring red flags, if you are masking or mirroring the other person – that relationship is not meant for you. It doesn’t matter if it is a friend, a partner or a family member. When you vibe, you will know.

Stop worrying

I also learned that worrying has no purpose. Apart from the survival instinct that can, in actual life and death situations, help us decide between fight or flight, worrying does us no good. Looking back on the things I worried about, and knowing how things turned out, I can honestly say that the worrying never helped me. It only crippled me. What was meant to happen would happen whether I worried about it or not. And by worrying about what we dread, we can actually focus so hard on it that we end up attracting it. So truly, worrying does us more harm than good.

Preparation is key

To me, the best way to manage anxiety and curb catastrophising has been to prepare for the unexpected. By that, I mean that it is good to arrange to have a little more than we need. A little more food than we need in the pantry. A little more savings than we expect we’ll need for a rainy day. A little more room in the budget, for unexpected expenses.

Financial preparedness

Apart from retirement savings and savings for certain experiences or larger investments – like purchasing a home – I have, what I like to call, a Fuck You-fund. It is an account where you keep between 6 months to a year’s worth of expenses. It is the account you keep just in case. Your insurance that if you end up in a situation where you need to say ‘Fuck You’ to something, be it a place, a relationship or a job, you can afford to do so. You can leave something that does not serve you and know that you will be okay until you have your life sorted again. You will have food to eat and you will be able to pay your bills, pay to keep a roof over your head.

The money in that account is a way to ensure your well-being at all times. Ensure that you can make the best decisions for yourself. For your mental and physical well-being. It means that you will never have to stay in a toxic situation simply because you cannot financially afford to leave.

Food preparedness

Keeping a well-stocked pantry is another way to do this. I’ve lived on less than the estimated cost of living more than once in my adult life, and it has taught me a lot. The main thing it taught me was that when times are rough, food and health are your main concerns. And if you are well-fed and know how to look after your health with what you have, then you’re golden. If you have food and your health, then you have what you need to break out of a bad situation and change things for yourself.

I make sure to always have 6-12 months worth of food in my pantry. If I lose my income, if my health worsens, if bad times fall upon me or my family, I know I have my bases covered.

Health preparedness

This is the same reason why I keep a well-stocked first aid kit at home. And this is also one of the reasons why I keep a good supply of healing herbs and berries in my farmacy. With those, I can make teas, ointments, tinctures and oils that can see me through anything from a bruise to pneumonia. I also have a pair of crutches and various things that I’d need to treat simple sprains, dislocations and other injuries. I even have a small bottle of skin glue for true emergencies.

Suggested goals to reach before 30

I have read a lot of articles about turning thirty and most of them had a list of suggested goals to reach or things to try. Out of all the ones I’ve read, these were the ones that most articles had in common:

Adulting – Death and taxes

• Learn how to pay taxes

• Start saving for retirement

• Pay off debt

• Save for emergencies

• Learn how to budget

• Plan for your end of life – just in case

• Learn how to manage your finances

• Live below your means

• Learn how to grow your own food

• Buy insurance

• Start a side hustle or a passive income

Experiences – Make memories

• Experience music live

• Get a tattoo

• Get a piercing

• Try new cuisines

• Go hiking

• Go camping

• Sleep outside

• Donate to charity

• Do volunteer work

• Read more books

• Create a reading list

• Set up annual reading goals

• Set up annual goals and stick to them

• See the top 100 movies at IMDB

• Try working a menial job

Learn – Expand your mind

• Learn another language

• Learn how to play an instrument

• Learn how to cook

• Learn how to talk in front of people

• Learn how to be charismatic

• Learn how to write professional emails

• Befriend different types of people

• Study something simply because you want to learn it

• Research your family history

• Get a hobby

Self-care – Take care of yourself

• See a therapist

• Learn how to love yourself

• Learn how your body works

• Learn how your mind works

• Establish a mental health routine

• Establish a skin-care routine

• Limit your time on social media

• Do a digital cleanse

• Declutter and donate what doesn’t spark joy

• Learn how to deal with- & reduce the impact of stress

Personal growth – Becoming a better person

• Find yourself

• Pay it forward

• Be kind

• Learn how to be alone

• Learn how to ask for what you want in life

• Learn how to ask for what you want in bed

• Learn how to regulate your emotions

• Let go of old grudges

• Be the first person to apologise

• Conquer a fear

• Live alone

• Travel alone

• Visit a foreign country

• Go on a road trip

My take on these goals

I used to think that I hadn’t done much in life, or experienced as much as other people my age. But as I read through these goals, I realised that I’ve done quite a bit.

Adulting – double check!

I have done all of them. I have also started two businesses and learned how to manage them.

When I was eighteen I got a card in my wallet that stated that I consent to being an organ donor. And in my late twenties, I created a digital folder with information regarding how my passing should be handled. I will hopefully live until I am old and grey, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Experiences – all but one!

Apart from watching the 100 movies listed at IMDB, I’ve done everything mentioned. Last time I checked IMDB’s 100 movies to watch-list, I had seen 38 of the 100 movies.

Learn – (more or less) check!

Self-care – check!

Personal growth – check!

Conclusion:

In modern society, with all that is going on in the world, there are quite a few souls out there who never made it to their thirties. I think that rather than give ourselves deadlines and try to measure our perceived success and progress by comparing ourselves to others, we need to take time to be grateful and exist. To feel gratitude for ourselves, our bodies, our experiences – good and bad – and for the people we have met along the way. All of our experiences and relationships have served a purpose. Even the painful ones, the difficult ones. They all helped shape us and without them, we would not be who we are today.

No flower blooms before it is ready to, and humans are the same. We will bloom when we’re good and ready to. Our health, be it mental or physical, will continue to ebb and flow. Nothing is permanent in life. Good times? They will come and pass. Hardships? They will also come and pass. All we can do is experience life to the fullest and enjoy the ride.

Have a great 30th birthday!